Into thin air

The police arrived at nine the next morning. I awoke to his empty apartment in my dress and pumps from the previous day.
I had dreamed that he had returned
and had apologized for scaring me.....
but that was just a dream.
I quickly dialed 911 to file a missing persons report and anxiously waited for the police to come.
They came soon enough.
I gave them his physical description and that's when I lost it.
With tears streaming down my face, I spilled my life story to the two, awestruck policemen. I told them that my father had recently died, and that he and my boyfriend had been the only two important people in my life.
I realized in that second that without Him, I was completely and utterly alone.


"Why is someone screaming?" I thought angrily as I rolled out of bed to look out the window.
I saw two ladies and a dog. The one with the nice suit was screaming and throwing a hissy fit while the other one was frantically trying to calm both the hysterical
lady and the terrified dog.
Oh my God.
I really hate it when people overreact.
I went to my fridge to get a beer.
It was 2 pm in the afternoon...had I really slept that long?
I looked at the clock again.
Apparently I had.
I went and sat on the couch, sipping my cold beer.
I closed my eyes and drifted back into the past.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am, but I am afraid that we have done everything we can." The policeman took a bite of his donut and looked down at the file. " There are just no leads.....I'm so sorry, but this is just a dead-end case."
"What do you mean by 'dead-end'? My boyfriend is missing and there is nothing you can do about it? Do you understand that he has to be somewhere! People don't just disappear into thin air!" I was screaming, hysterical. I hadn't slept or ate in three days. I was constantly by the phone, waiting for that helpful call.....that never came.
Weeks passed and the police filed his case as a cold case.
Weeks passed and the more he began to fade into my memory, the more I began to sink into darkness.
I no longer felt like living in New York...everything reminded me of him. I saw him on the subway; I saw us walking in Times Square, window shopping in So Ho.
I couldn't muster up the strength to pack up his belongings. I slept in his shirts, breathing in his scent.
One day, while I was taking a shower, I slipped and fell and slit my wrist on a shard of broken glass. The pain was amazing.....I wanted more.
I started to look for anything sharp to cut myself with. Every time I watched the blood trickle down my wrist, I was exhilarated.

I jolted awake and stared at the blank wall that was facing me.
I know what to do.
I got up from the couch and went into my room.
I pulled a large trunk from underneath my bed and slowly opened it.....holding my breath, scared to look inside.
I pulled out a sun dress and my red pumps. I quickly slipped the dress over my head and carefully placed the pumps on my slender feet. The dress hung limply from my thin frame....God, had I really lost that much weight?
I ruffled around in the chest until I found my lipstick and perfume. After applying both, I went back to the chest to retrieve one more thing.
After placing the picture in the pocket of my dress, I looked into my compact mirror and smiled.
I took one last glance at my shabby, gray apartment as I skipped out of my door.
I felt the cold air kiss my skin, giving me goose bumps as I walked off the elevator. People in the apartment building looked at me like I was crazy, wearing a summer dress in the middle of the winter. I didn't care, though. I finally knew what I was doing.
The wind was bitter, but I closed my eyes and let it embrace me with its icy arms.
I clutched his picture that was in my pocket and walked on.
I heard whispers of gossip...someone named Fil died this morning....how silly I was for wearing a spring dress.....how terrible the weather has been.
I kept walking.
I had no clue where I was going.....the only thing that I knew was that I was going to disappear..
"but people aren't able to just simply disappear," people will say when they can't find me anywhere.
"Why?" I think. "My boyfriend did."